The Orange Comes, The Orange Fades

I see their heavy heads hanging. And last night’s rain that sopped the too-tall grass surrounding the tilted stems. Kind of making me feel heavy; over there with their petals in their faces. The sunflowers have nodded off. The glory part of their season seems over. I think nodding off looks like a great idea. But I don’t nod off. Outside everything is changing. Every thing, every single thing is always in flux. I’m changing too. I love the discipline of the keto diet I’m doing, and I’m seeing results. It’s not easy, but is anything worthwhile? The idea is to stay under 50 grams of carbs a day. This gets the body into ketosis (the science won a Nobel prize) which means if you’re in a metabolic slump you can get out of it because your body will use fats for fuel and the weight comes off. The preferable number is under 20 carbs, but not always possible considering even green peppers and sugar free gum have carbs!

It’s Autumn again. Al sees the leaves that have faded and I see the ones that are in color, that’s the way it seems. Al: Those leaves are dead already.” Me: “Look at that vibrant orange!” It’s always been this way with us.

Yeah. Once that was green, now on its way to crispy. That’s the ultimate. I remember my only ride in a plane, it was Summer, in a small plane when I was 8 yrs. old that my father paid $10.00 to the pilot for; for a ride over the Berkshire Valley. The aerial view of the trees were like so many broccoli tops below.

I’m going to be taking my first plane trip in February of 2021, which is almost a year and a 1/2 away. I’m going to Ventura County (California) as part of an event I’m supposed to keep secret for now. I will be there with my partner Al for a few days and I hope to see a Redwood tree. Let me clarify that, I am going to see a Redwood. I only wish that I were going in my green season of life and that I could share the trip with my children. My oldest has seen California but not my other two. Do you suppose I am in the Autumn of life? The colorful part.

When I was a kid places like California we’re not possible. My mother died never having been on a plane, not even a little one. Our family vacations were to Story Land USA, Frontier Town, camping, Niagara Falls, Lake George…

An only child, I amused my self. In grade school I got hold of a “Puns, Jokes and Riddles” book. I drove everyone nuts asking them my favorite joke in the book:

“What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?”

“Time to get a new fence.”

Yeah that was high humor for me, right there. To this day if someone asks me what time it is, I have to bite back saying “Time to get a new fence.” I really think of that punchline. Every time.

It’s time for a lot of things actually. I just read Iliana Regan’s book “Burn the Place” about her humble beginnings as a self-taught chef who became a Michelin Star winner for her restaurant. In the book, a friend tells her, “Are you waiting for “permission” to do that new thing?? You’re not going to get permission. Just do it.”

Maybe that’s how I felt when I did a video for an upcoming October conference. Just do it! I wore mime get-up (I am not the mime I was, alas, I am now a plump mime- but hey 30 lbs. down) and anyway the video amasses what’s been on my mind the last few months so anyone who reads my blog may recognize snippets from previous writings. You may actually get to view, wrinkles and all, if you choose, the 8 minute video on Art of Autism’s Facebook page sometime soon, before it appears at the event. I believe they’ll be posting it. I believe the ‘poem’ in the video could’ve been so much better and that 8 minutes of silence is a lot to ask of people viewing anything these days but there you have it. It is what it is at this point. Maybe all artists look at something and in retrospect know it could’ve been better.

I’m not an actor, nor do I enjoy limelight or attention. Sometimes I feel certain messages should be shouted, in this case silently. Well there was the time I was a buttercup in the Kindergarten play. I don’t think I had any lines. And I was in a Girl Scout play too. The theme was a bunch of girls playing pranks on each other at camp. On stage there was a fake (cardboard) outhouse, complete with crescent (banana shaped) moon painted on the door which was taped in place. A friend and I hid in there and at the appropriate moment, we burst out of the outhouse yelling, “There’s dead fish in here!”

I thought that was high humor too but in retrospect, I’m just impressed I had a voice at all!

In a few months, I am being interviewed as “featured artist” in a magazine. I’m compiling what I feel is important to say, and also wondering which art pieces I should send to accompany the written portion. It is something I really look forward to, and in fact I’m seeing my friend Keri Bower next Saturday to hang out and to wrap up filming for Desire the film. I look forward to seeing her again. She made me these gorgeous shoes:

But….

I’m a bit down actually, which is why I mentioned in the first paragraph, nodding my head heavily like the sunflowers. I have been following a band around since 1995 and have amassed maybe 54 concerts seeing them. The other night someone broke in the van and stole the GPS (yes I know I can just use my phone. I’m old school).

The GPS that directed me to the concerts the last 10 years. Also I had every single music cd the band ever put out in the car that was stolen as well. Sad. What’s saddest is not loss of sentimental possessions but moreso the callous greed of crooks. They even took my classical cds.

Another sadness: I’ve had a certain orange cat nearly 20 years and he is not much longer going to live. His belly full of tumors. He has many seizures a day. One day a few weeks ago, he had a seizure on my lap and accidentally bit me on the finger which turned hot and red and swollen. He didn’t mean it but it was startling and I needed antibiotics.

19 years ago- a stray ‘mother’ cat dropped orange twins on a neighbor’s lawn and walked away and never came back. A hawk swiftly took one and I rescued the other. I fed him every few hours. Really his head was bobbing weakly, he was like a frail sightless bird. And somehow… with Boost nutritional drinks leftover from my husband’s tube feedings and some love and kitten milk, he survived and has been my sidekick ever since. Things keep changing. Here he is, the only kitten picture I have as this is before cameras on phones and people sufficed to capture most memories in their heads and hearts.