Striking a Balance Between Despair and Hope

There’s a rise in sociopathic behavior. Or is there? People have always been homicidal, right? That is very disturbing because when ‘people’ commit terrorist acts and/or hate crimes, they are not people anymore. That having been said, the following statement focuses on the ‘general’ population; for lack of a better description: I do believe people (for the most part) are malleable; are not all good or all bad, but rather people are works in progress (cocktails) with myriad facets of genetically inherited characteristics and distinctly unique personality traits. When people stop wanting to learn about the differences of others, when they no longer wish to grow, accept, attempt to understand others, and evolve- that’s when humanity suffers; that’s when spirit growth ceases. As I write this, the latest “mass” murder unfolds on TV. My heart is heavy.

One can hope that peace begins at home. I try very hard to be self supportive in many ways. Financially, spiritually, physically. By attempting to learn new skills, take care of my physical self, create a pleasant living environment, and by taking time to recoup on a spirit level, I at least can say, “I’m trying!” None of it is easy and nothing, as they say, that is worthwhile, should be easy.

Some unknown ‘person’ has been harassing my family. It’s been a tough few weeks in that regard. I guess that feelings of safety and security can’t be taken for granted anymore.

But here is some progress I’ve made and progress is good! If you have liked my Under The Banana Moon Facebook author page, then you will already be familiar with this story but I’m repeating it here anyway because my tenacity is humorous. Perhaps you will smile. Or maybe you will think me a stooge. Both are understandable reactions!

I have been fascinated with all things octopi for some time now. (Not because of the upcoming Finding Dory movie! I predict a preoccupation with octopi coming up… No. It’s on the record I’ve been perseverating on octopi before I knew a new Disney octopus was coming on the scene. My interest lies in part with fascination for hidden worlds, and mysterious and different creatures.) New octopus related things having been purchased, walls painted, I decided to put up some mini blinds in the newly painted bathroom. There is a narrow working space what with the disability rail and toilet. I rested my foot on the toilet seat. It skidded and snapped off.

Fast forward to a week later. Having bought a brand new toilet seat…(Al installed it.) I tried again. I accidentally put the mini-blind bracket things upside down (this after having sat cross legged on the bathroom floor pouring over instructions). Got tired muscles. Waited a day.

Decided to use a power screwdriver! Why didn’t I think of that before!? So. It doesn’t fit through the top hole to reach the screws. Back to unscrewing by hand. Having become distracted, I decided to remove an errant nail on the window frame, but I dropped a hammer. Wouldn’t you know- it fell and nicked the newly painted wall. I looked for the can of paint to touch it up. There are currently over a dozen cans of paint around here in various stages of usage…Not finding my color, I returned to the unscrewing of the upside down brackets with MUCH energy expended.

Taking a break from this task, I tested the mini-blind pull cord and thinking it stuck and defective, I wondered why it wouldn’t pull. Consulting the directions which were in very tiny print (again, cross legged on the floor) I discovered there were plastic ‘stops’ I had to cut so the cord would pull out. This is what happened while cutting the stops: I dropped the blind in the toilet. Broke some slats. “Look,” I said to my 4 yr. old granddaughter who had been “helping” me by handing me important items like shampoo bottles and monkey wrenches. She looked in the bowl and wondered if she should flush the broken pieces. “No!” I laughed and fished them out of the bowl. So now my broken mini-blind project is officially over (and the damned upside down brackets may stay right where they are thank you) after much self deprecating humor and laughs. I don’t need Curly and Moe. I play the part of all three!

Curtains it is.

I was looking for something (that I never found, mind you) and my rummaging took me into a closet and also in some basement bins. I found some old nearly forgotten paintings. I used to paint on saw blades. In fact I must’ve sold a thousand. Here are some of them I came across complete with rust showing through, and also some paintings I did on wood many years ago…

barn

saw blade barns, the filter used here distorts color somewhat but as the photos were taken in the cellar they were in bad lighting and some sort of filter was needed to brighten the blades

These barns have an odd filter because the pictures I took in the cellar were lousy quality. These are on handsaw blades as is the one below.

I probably sold a dozen Indian themed blades…

On a wooden crate lid.

This particular pastel painting, done on wood, is always mysterious to me. Who is she? I’m sure all of these will eventually be thrown away but they remind me of hours spent decompressing, brush in hand, something necessary to my well being, and not just because the brain goes into a theta wave state, but because it’s diversion too.

And so now that I’ve taken my mind off the vandalism that has been occurring to my property, the horrific headlines of the day, and my battle to fight autoimmune fatigue by forcing myself to be productive, despite it, I’ll leave you with this thought:

My insistence to work my muscles, and expend energy on a task that resulted in not even hanging the mini-blinds after all, actually had a plus side. The energy I expended ended up breaking through the plateau I had reached in my weight loss plan. I ended up pushing through to a weight loss now of 55 lbs. Like I said earlier, at least I was trying. I thought my energies were for naught but I ended up with a positive result I couldn’t have predicted. I guess that’s my point, in a world that seems hopeless, keep trying at a personal level to make positive change. You never know. It’s a symbiotic world we live in.

It IS hard to eat right, to eat pure, in a world so tainted in so many ways. One of my favorite authors Augusten Burroughs, says this about diet ginger ale:

“Cheap junky chemicals in a polyethylene terephthalate container with a screw top.”

This is true. I can’t limit myself to the bare minimums and avoid the assault of ALL manmade added poisons in our food that cross the blood/brain barrier but I can be aware. And try to strike a balance. There is such inclination toward mass thinking these days. I’m going to think for myself. I’m going to hope for the best. For all creatures in the deepest oceans, and for humans. Sending up hope to heal and positive thoughts I can only hope are energies that at least salve this sorry world a little. Or so I can hope.